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No wonder crime doesn't pay

August 27, 2015
By Joyce Schenk , Westfield Republican

As an avid newspaper reader, I've seen enough crime reports in the news to conclude that those who choose a life of crime can usually be classified as intellectually challenged.

There was a time when career bad guys like John Gotti, Lucky Luciano and Al Capone were so adept at skirting the law, they developed a reputation for their cunning. By comparison, today's criminals seem hopelessly handicapped by chronic stupidity.

An example I just read about was the California man who was caught driving a stolen car. He managed to slip out of police custody.

To avoid recapture, he came up with what he thought would be a perfect disguise. He spray painted his face black. Somehow, the cops saw through the trick.

In Great Britain, a would-be bank robber entered a London bank and approached the teller. In one hand, he had a piece of paper with the drawing of a gun. In the other hand, a hold-up note.

The sketch of the gun failed to intimidate the teller who immediately called police.

A Rochester woman with a taste for the better things of life, hired a limo to take her to one of the city's upscale stores. Her plan was to do a bit of shoplifting.

When she was finished gathering her pilfered items, she called the limo company to take her home again. Unfortunately, the store security staff spoiled her plan.

A drunk in Stillwater, N.Y., decided he was too far gone to drive. So he put his 10-year-old son behind the wheel. Then he settled down in the passenger seat and let the kid drive him home.

A Florida man, irritated that police had been parking their cars in front of his house, vandalized the cruisers by painting his name on the sides.

An 18-year-old marched into the local police station and walked up to the female officer on duty. He told her to "give me all your money." And added, "You know, I have a gun."

When other officers rushed to take him down, he said, "I was only kidding. I didn't think she'd take me seriously."

In Providence, Utah, a young fellow and his girlfriend decided to steal a car. But the pair quickly ditched the vehicle and called a cab. They realized neither one of them knew how to drive a stick shift.

A woman in Boston made an angry call to 911, asking for help from authorities. She complained that her drug dealer had taken her money but withheld the drugs.

And last but not least, a 28-year-old on a visit to a home supply store shoved a chain saw down his shorts. His getaway vehicle was a bicycle. Police had no trouble catching him. The contraband saw made riding the bike impossible.

Keep an eye out while reading your newspaper. If today's crooks continue to emerge from the murky end of the gene pool, there will always be something interesting to read.



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