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Lots to ponder, few answers

January 14, 2016
By Joyce Schenk , Westfield Republican

In my early know-it-all years, I thought I had things figured out. With a bit of research and study, I could usually come up with answers to the questions life brought my way.

But now that my tree of life has added more rings than I care to acknowledge, I realize my understanding of planet Earth and my fellow space travelers is lacking in many areas.

There are so many puzzling questions no one seems to have the answers to.

For instance, if the temperature gets down to zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Why didn't Tarzan ever grow a beard?

What did ham actually have before they cured it?

Why are there no "B" batteries?

Is there a reason that "stressed" spelled backwards spells "desserts?"

If God sneezes, what should you say?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Why does round pizza come in a square box?

How deep would the ocean be if there weren't all those sponges?

Why can't a woman put on mascara with her mouth closed?

We know the speed of light. Has anyone calculated the speed of darkness?

If you push the elevator button more than once, does the elevator come faster?

Why is it our children can't read the Bible in school, but they can if they go to prison?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do today's teens feel that boys must wear jeans two sizes too large and girls should wear jeans two sizes too small?

Has anyone ever explained why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets?

Why do folks park their expensive cars in the driveway and store their worthless junk in the garage?

Why are there Braille letters on the drive up ATM machines?

Why is it when you transport something by car it's a shipment, but when you send it by ship it's called cargo?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If you're bald, what hair color do they put on your license?

What is Satan's last name?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

And, finally, the question I've been wondering about for a long time: If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be Congress?

 
 
 

 

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